Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
