Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
