Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
