I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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