just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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