first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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