I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
