Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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