You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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