Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
