I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
