Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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