I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
