I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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