i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
