I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
