I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
