I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Randomize
