You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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