so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
