he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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