WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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