i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
