If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Randomize
