yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
