is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
