I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
