I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
