Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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