To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
