So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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