Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
