i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
