she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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