there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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