I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
