While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i believe in u and ur pee
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
