FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If I die, sorry about rent.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
