Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
