hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
