I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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