When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
