i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
