Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
