Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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