i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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