I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
