I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
