1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
