Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Success! We fucked roommates!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
