just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
